Readers Pick: "Situationships"

Justin's Opinion 

I never will forget years ago my mother preached a sermon where her takeaway was, “it was just a situation because you lived on your salvation.”  At the time I heard it I never really allowed the words to live truly in my life, rather I just said it.  But as I have articulated on numerous occasions:

God…is…a…trip.

Every sermon I’ve preached, I’ve lived through.  That’s why I have so much passion, care and conviction when I step into a pulpit…because I’ve lived through some stuff.  The following situation not only revealed Courtney into my life, but is the reason I preach on mental health, self-love and overcoming failure.  The only reason I made it through any situation was because of my salvation.  This time, it was because Courtney reminded me of my salvation and in that process, I saw that she was the one that didn’t leave when she saw the ugly side of me.  God is a trip. 

One thing about me that is a blessing and a curse is how much I care for people.  When I care…I care, even if it means I suffer.  February 2013.  A month I never will forget.  One thing that I struggled with is suicidal thoughts (at one point an attempt).  In an attempt to please someone, without ever caring for my sanity I almost lost it.  A chilly night in February I went all out to please someone, and a simple “thanks” was not even given.  I mean…I went ALL out.  I didn’t expect the world in return, but the negative I received hurt.  It really hurt.  So for all of you who think that Girls cannot hurt the heart and soul of a man…they can.  This time, I was hurt.  In every friend-relation-whatever ship I was in I always ended up hurt.  (This is a reason I intentionally hurt some women in my single season.)  But I always was hurt. 

In this moment, I never spoke with anyone about those satanic thoughts, the only person I had mentioned it who did not run away thinking I was insane without helping was Courtney.  I called her upset, frantic, afraid, scared and most of all on the brink of completely giving up.  Here I was and for 24 years I was ready to give up, I was ready to throw in the towel because every woman I ever cared about always thought I was never good enough, I wasn’t preaching as much as I wanted and my grades weren’t at the level I wanted.  And here…Courtney was present.

My situation…was a real life situation where I needed not just a friend but someone to understand and not allow me to stop the God in my life.  I recognized the faithfulness of God in my life because I had a friend (at that time) who did not judge, did not yell, rather reminded me of who I was in spite of the lack of care from the others I really cared about.  Here…I saw her spirit.  I saw her as a person.  Those who can love you when you are ugly can embrace all about you when you see your beauty.  She kept me from the cliff, literally.  I had no friends in school or in church who I halfway trusted to speak with…but her Spirit connected with me.  Truthfully, because she was the other part of me. 

Paul in Ephesians four talked about the daily renewing of our minds.  That we need to Put off the old man, renew our minds and then put on the new man.  Notice Paul’s process.  First, we put off those old things…renew our minds…and then put on the new man.  In this painful moment (and a reason the devil hates us now) is that when I should have completely lost it is that Courtney was there to renew my mind.  I then put on the new man. 

Situations were because you lived through it.  Our “situation-ship” in that moment, led me to realize that she’s the woman I wanted to give her last first kiss.  And I did. 

Courtney's Opinion

Situationships- those relationships that you know aren’t going anywhere but you continue to play into the same games until somebody gets hurt. In Pinky Promise a movement that urges women to follow Christ in all aspects calls those people- “randoms.”  So one day as I sat (while watching abnormal amounts of wedding and home shows on HGTV and TLC) and thought to myself why am I am going to continue to be random with my life.  

I have had my fair share of situationships and randoms in life. Right around the time Justin and I become close friends was the time I just got out of a whirl wind of a situationship. During this time, I felt I was the farthest from God however now I realize he was the closest in that moment. In this particular situationship, I found myself questioning who I was, my purpose and then comparing myself to others. Which are all huge NO NO NOs! Also during this same time God transplanted me to Springfield, MO for work and that began my season of isolation.  During this isolation period, I began to reflect on my life and said if I want a different outcome I have to embark on path I have never taken which was focusing on GOD completely and wholly and who I am in God. So I broke free from ever random, every text message with no purpose, and completely changed my behavior that did not exude Christ.

Things were going well until I hit a discontentment wall. My prayers began to question God on his timing on when my Adam was waking up because surely he was letting him sleep too long. God put me in check right away. I was lead to 1 Corinthians 7:7 “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me- a simpler life in many ways.”  Something hit very powerful in that verse, Paul referenced single life as a blessing yet so many of us look at as a burden. My prayers then turned in thankfulness to God for entrusting me with this “gift of singleness.” I was a true single in every essence of the word: blessed! I was not lonely because through my devotion and meditation, God filled that void. I was being pacified by the Word alone and not some “Hey” text during inappropriate hours.

When I reached the true point of contentment with who I was, God presented Justin to me in a real way. With a clear mind, I was able to see the attributes of my Adam that I would have missed in my old mind and way of life. I immensely enjoy the season God has brought me too in relationship with Justin, but I never would of appreciated the beauty of it or be able to get through the trials without that single, isolate but blessed season.  

We all have gone or will go through situationships  in life but it’s all in how we respond. True wisdom is taking past experiences and mixing it with the word to be truly wise. 

Our opinion.

Situations were because you lived through it.  If you are in a situation-ship, be thankful.  But that person cannot put off the old man or woman, only you can do that once you recognize it.  After that, the person who sees your :”ugliness” and helps you to renew your mind is the one you need to consider for a true relationship.  It is here where you learn to see and embrace the wisdom God has given you without searching for something new.  Some new word, new scripture,  new conference or new relationship.  It is up to you …first….to embrace the word and life experiences you have and then see that God allowed you to live through it.  We both would love to high five our exes/flings/people we references in this blog because those “situation-ships” allowed us to embrace our relationship.  (even the good exes who we didn’t love back). 

NOW…is all of this easy…no.  Would you want something that you keep for a lifetime that came that easy?  What do you have in life that you loved that you never worked for? 

Work it…and give that person their last first kiss.  That “situation-ship” became a beautiful Courtship. 

((On another note, if you find yourself in a place like I (Justin) was with those thoughts/actions, seek help! I did, and it has been a crazy blessing.  I am because I was and God is.))

Be Honest

Justin's Opinion

Can I give a Shoutout to who inspired this post? Rev. Dr. William Buchannan. He has been such an amazing Pastor in my Journey of Ministry since he and I first met over the Summer. Currently I am serving at the 15th Avenue Baptist church for my Field Education while a Student here at Vanderbilt. Milwaukee, Breonus Mitchell taught me how to preach exegetically for a year and Is continuing to do so, Pastor Buchannan is challenging me all the More when it comes to Pastoral Praxis. So Yall just wait till I preach at home over Christmas Break. I ain’t scared of NONE of yall. So Before I start…Shout Out to Breonus Mitchell and William Buchannan. I gotta give props to Dr. Buchannan for this post.

At My internship we just recently finished walking through the book of James. James is a POWERFUL book when it comes to Ministry. James teaches us to Count it all Joy when we fall into various Temptations because the Trying and tempting of our faith teaches us how to have Patience. And patience then leads to Maturity all because our faith has been worked in the various trials and temptations that God sent our way. To make that plain and simple on one Sunday in his sermon dealing with the maturity within faith Dr. Buchannan said, “When we aren’t honest with ourselves, we are lying to ourselves.” And well that confronted me on ALL fronts….one of the major ones it hit me…consistency biblically and practically. Got that? Ok…let’s do this. (I am a preacher people)

When one knows their gift, talent and what God has called them to be, you travel into the unknown instead of treading in the easy waters of life. Habits are made because of consistency, Good and Bad. I choose to focus on the possibility within Consistency objectively good healthy practices. Consistent Faith gives way to Maturity. A lack of consistency…is not active…dysfunctional…bastardized faith. Consistency…powerful. Inconsistency….dysfunctional. Now…It is not easy to be consistent because consistency requires us to confront ourselves, push ourselves over the verge and be the person that God loves and the people that we Love. It is easy to fall into the trap of inconsistency because it is fun to be inconsistent.

In our relationship, it requires us to be consistent, no matter how uncomfortable…and at times…inconvenient that may be. Consistency is what keeps our bond there. Consistent Love, practice, conversation and emotions. Therefore, it is easy for the other to know what while they say “I had a good day” that truthfully they didn’t. Consistency has allowed us to know ourselves and individuals as well as who we are together. Honest true objectively good consistency will give you strength that you always had…you just didn’t want to deal with.

Courtney’s Opinion

Daughter, girlfriend, friend, niece, coworker, Regional Program Manager, yoga partner, workout buddy, blogger, ministry leader, Big sister, Little sister, email responder, a DIY-er, and a vegetarian (really social pescatarian). These are few things that make up who I am and in some way consume my day. Many of you can relate to this type of life. However through it all I found that the key in being successful is to be consistent.

At the beginning of summer I started to take a serious look at my life in terms of my body, my food consumption, and the products I put on or in my body. I decided to become a vegetarian and drastically changed my eating habits of eating clean real food. I began to work out avidly. I put my all into my new lifestyle change; I invested in healthier foods, I got all the appropriate equipment and clothes for working out. For the first month I was totally committed, the second month still committed, by the 3rd month I started questioning is this even working. The 4th month I was just going through the motions not really present in the moment, my frequency changed, my outlook changed. But despite all my preparedness, investment, initial commitment the key ingredient was consistency when it got hard. Although I lost 24lbs in this process, that was not enough to ensure my success. Consistency is one of the hardest things to obtain; yet it is so worth it because the reward is incomparable. A dear friend once told me “Courtney, it’s not eating right or going to work out that’s the challenging but its continuing to change your mindset when it gets hard. If you can master the art of consistency you can master anything.” In that one sentence she ministered volumes to me.

Your intentions might be amazing in life, you prepare yourself, you invest time, money and energy but without the mindset of staying the course with things get hard you will die to whatever goal you have set. So what leads to inconsistency? It is the idea of not being honest with our selves in each step of our development. As we grow, mature, and step out of our comfort zone we become comfortable. We start lying to ourselves that we can make it without doing this (like reading our word) or that (constantly communicating with God). We lose focus and die to our renewal.

Consistency is not natural but an exercise. This world is rigged with distractions, but we must exercise our consistent mindset, we must be honest with ourselves.

Our Opinion

So…What did Dr. Buchannan do for us? “When you aren’t honest with yourself, you are lying to yourself.” When we testify that his statement strengthened our relationship in a way that we NEVER knew through a storm that should have killed (and has killed other) our relationships…its true. When we became honest it forced us to consistently read our Bibles, pray together, show love and a plethora of other tasks that may seem mundane, it enhanced us individually and collectively. We challenge you today to start doing something you love…consistently. Maybe that’s reading your bible, working out, talking to your parents…whatever it is. This week do it once a day and watch your life change and get enhanced just a little bit. Then…think of us…were praying for you.

Consistency my friends. It will force you to be honest with yourself and stop lying to yourself. Talk to us!

 Justin and Courtney

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