Reader's Pick: Online Dating

Courtney’s Opinion

We text, tweet, Facebook, email, bank, shop, and practically live online. Being a right now generation and living in an information overload era can be a blessing but also a bad combination. Absolutely anything we want is provided with a click of a button so it makes it hard for us to not apply these same "on-demand" concepts to our dating life.  This topic is really special and fun for us because it was suggested by one of readers who wanted to know our opinion on online dating. By both of us working with young adults in ministry we sometimes come across this question. However, I realized how our past experiences and gender differences factored a lot into our opinion which is going to make this blog fun.

Sometimes we (me included) treat God as if He is an App on our phone or tablet that provides immediate encouragement, protection, and inspirational words with a click. We expect our calendars to be updated with all of our life events, and we anticipate on having notifications in advance on when bad times will come. I almost imagine our ideal spiritual life as a text message conversation like this:

God: Prepare to spill coffee on your shirt today before your meeting, you will be stuck in traffic which will cause you to be late and you will get some unexpected news that will completely change your mood. It’s not looking good today.

Us: Not today God, I have a lot going on can we push it back to next week?

It’s funny when we think about it like that, but I know I am guilty of wanting this type of life. In dealing with dating and so many other things it is so easy to put God on our timing. We scroll and scroll through and think God has forgotten to mark our calendars on when we’re meant to meet Mr. /Mrs. Right. We look everywhere disappointed when the time hasn’t come. Through our discontentment, we take matters into our hands, which I like to also refer to as “Online Dating”. 

Coming from a non-judgmental but experiential point of view, I realized the powerful lesson in Online Dating. During my single season, I was that “single single” (for all those who don’t talk double words that means: really single. It puts more emphasis when you say things twice for real, for real lol), didn’t really go places or do much. During this season God moved me to Springfield, MO (yeah I know, that’s what I said). I was totally alone and bored! I found myself growing very discontent; I declared in my mind that I was created to be alone (yes at the age of 24 lol) but I was not happy or content with my new self-imposed revelation so I decided to do something about my perceived situation and that was Online Dating. As I began to look through various dating sites, something kept stopping me from actually signing up. At this moment I realized that my discontentment was with myself and not truly knowing or trusting my Creator and His plans for my life. I had to understand my intention and purpose and it was to appease my boredom and not to glorify God in anyway.  I essentially told God that he was not in control and that I didn’t trust Him with my major life events and that I knew better for my life. I’m grateful that I serve such an amazing and patient God that despite me he still blessed my single season beyond my wildest dreams. I wish I could say that at that moment, Justin came riding up on a horse with shining honor but that didn’t happen. Instead, Christ came to the focal point of my life. I got to know Him and began to trust Him with every aspect of my life especially dating. He assured me that he didn’t need any site to do what He does.

Justin’s Opinion

Thinking about online dating let me be transparent from the onset.  I have participated in Group Dates (grouper), Been on online dating sites (ChristianMingle, eHarmony...BlackPeopleMeet), been set up through iphone apps and whatever else you can think. I have not done it recently...truthfully since June.

Paul Tillich, the German theologian wrote in his book, ‘The Courage to be” that, “Courage presupposes an understanding of Man and of its world and its structures and values.  He later writes, “Courage can tell us what being is and being can tell us what courage is." Lester Translation -once I understand who I am, I never can be afraid of who I am in light of where is am...and let me add...what others think.

With that out of the way, overall, I have no problem with online dating and web searches as a means to begin relationships. Culture changes with time, the way people meet is not the same.  It is quite possible a means to meet someone is through online means.  I know Courtney, she is most likely going to argue that, "God has your promise in person." Yes...God also has blessed us with the means of connectivity online.  Relationships are cultivated as you get to know a person...the true self. This gets back to TIllich, Courage to be, courage to become, courage to exist in the self eventually reveals your other half.  That other half can be found online, but built together. 

All in all, Be.

Once you "are" it makes it much easier and simpler to recognize the way God has for you to behold the gifting of your Adam or Eve. (and that may come on BlackPeopleMeet...the Wal-mart of Dating Sites.)

Our Opinion

We realize that our personal experience and our gender has a lot to do with how we view online dating, but we believe no matter what the gender God is the ultimate provider.  We have built our relationship using technological means, yet we know the other. By no means is it perfect cementing the point that a computer screen will not replace personal intimacy; however, it facilitates conversation and possibility, the successive watering comes later. Ultimately, technology is powerful tool that can help us communicate and share amazing things.  Whether you are an online dater or not, discover your intention and purpose in all that you do.

Thanks to our Reader for the Suggestion.  Talk back to us! 

Holding Hands, 

Justin and Courtney