Kingdom Relationships

Both of us are currently walking through the “Kingdom” books.  The two books by Tony Evans and his Daughter Chrystal.  The Kingdom Man and Kingdom Woman books have so far been amazing perspective changing books.  Instead of writing a review, we thought we would write on the other.  What we see in the other as a “kingdom” minded person and what we see as “growing edges” for them to continue their journey.  Will we get a little sappy, sure.  Will you love it, of course. 

Have we done you wrong yet?

Justin’s opinion

Tony and Crystal state that a kingdom woman has three qualities: Purpose, Power and Possibility.  With those three principles, they show their foundation in God, faith in God and fruit through God.  As I thought about Courtney, I am glad to say I have a “Kingdom Woman” to call my love, but we work together in a constructive way. 

First, How she is a Kingdom woman.  Using their terms, I see Courtney’s purpose and possibility.  From the moment I met Courtney at our scholarship banquet I never will forget the strength she stood with.  From her smile, to her walk.  What caught my attention is how intrigued she was in the content of our conversation, not forcing anything.  I recently finished preaching at a large church in Milwaukee and I was on cloud nine and of course I brought up preaching at the church.  Usually it was the preaching that I know women went after because of the prestige it could bring. It annoys me, so I expected interest because usually…that’s what followed.  (it’s hard out here)  Courtney…asked me…”What did you preach about?” THE FIRST woman, outside of my sister or mother who cared about what I argued. Not when the next time I’m preaching,  how big the church was, how large the check was…but What did I preach about…Seriously!  It was here I realized something about her.  As we grow together, she cares about God…more than anything.  Were souls saved? What did I preach? As we have grown together, she continues to show me her foundation in God.  We pray together daily, we begin the day speaking about the Goodness of God.  No matter our trials or situations…This woman continues to show me…I do not care if people shouted, ran or screamed…Did God Get Glory? Truthfully God gets Glory through her. 

Secondly, Possibility.  Courtney called me on a day I was depressed.  (Yea…Preachers struggle too)  I was dealing with a number of issues, Courtney started talking about her love for Pinterest and she asked me the most obscure questions about football season.  As I was on the brink of tears with what I was dealing with and she refused to see the pain in my situation by simply showing the possibility in my pain.  Courtney is a positive person, that is an understatement.  But she produces fruit because she looks at everything as fertile ground.  It is possible.  It may be difficult…but it is possible because of her relationship with Christ.

Lastly, thinking about her Growing Edges, it is her power.  Power for them looks at Faith in God.  By no means am I saying Courtney does not have faith, rather the ever evolving faith in God for Her cannot be circumstantial.  Reactions, decisions and conversations are constantly evolving in our relationship and no different for her.  She is a kingdom woman, her confidence in self and God can only make her even badder than she already is.

Courtney’s opinion

So what exactly does it mean to have a kingdom mindset? I will admit the challenge of becoming a Kingdom Woman or Man seems like a daunting task. Many times I ask myself: how will I ever measure up to be that Proverbs 31 woman (she was amazing, right?) but I realized that she was not alone she had the leadership of a wonderful Kingdom Man..

In Kingdom Women, Chrystal emphasizes the point of recognizing who you are and recognizing your help not only in Christ but in others that God has placed in your life. Justin has indeed been my help, companion, and best friend in life. Not only does he push me closer to Christ in unimaginable ways, but he is the epitome of a kingdom man. Everyday we strive to become a Kingdom couple and by no means is that an easy task but a daily death of our own desires, wants, needs, and self.  Justin has become a man I absolutely cannot resist, not only in physical attraction but his spirit commands my attention daily. He encourages me not to be better for himself but cultivates me to be a kingdom woman for Christ. His ability to understand and interpret the Word of God speaks volumes in my life in ways I would never be able to understand for myself and helps me understand our purpose together and helping me confront my insecurities in a loving manner,

As a long distance couple, we have to make intentional efforts to communicate effectively with each other and with a God. Being on a kingdom path opens you up to test and trails and we have weathered a couple of storms together. Throughout every situation, Justin has lead our relationship by assuring me that "he got this" with 3 fingers. This signal does not just mean pump the breaks when I have gone in the deep in over something but its an amazing reminder that I was not created to tackle this life alone; it signifies that "Gods got this" and through that "we as a couple "got this."

I get overwhelmed with Joy every time because Justin is not just my boyfriend but he represents God's faithfulness. He gives me hope that I can be that Proverbs 31 because I have a Kingdom man that assists and assures that our relationship glorifies God in all ways.

Our Opinion

Normalcy and complacency often kill relationships.  We are distanced.  We are not always physically together.  There are only so many different types of texts and things to say on the phone.  But understanding in relationships that it is a Kingdom Goaled relationship pushes you through those times when it gets difficult.  For Courtney, she knows her purpose.  For Justin, he is kingdom focused man that leads our relationship by being purpose minded.  In the end, our focus is solely knowing that as we hold hands together, our other hand is stretched towards God.  As we continue to be a courting couple, courting life.  Us…Against the World.

Justin and Courtney

Reader's Pick: Online Dating

Courtney’s Opinion

We text, tweet, Facebook, email, bank, shop, and practically live online. Being a right now generation and living in an information overload era can be a blessing but also a bad combination. Absolutely anything we want is provided with a click of a button so it makes it hard for us to not apply these same "on-demand" concepts to our dating life.  This topic is really special and fun for us because it was suggested by one of readers who wanted to know our opinion on online dating. By both of us working with young adults in ministry we sometimes come across this question. However, I realized how our past experiences and gender differences factored a lot into our opinion which is going to make this blog fun.

Sometimes we (me included) treat God as if He is an App on our phone or tablet that provides immediate encouragement, protection, and inspirational words with a click. We expect our calendars to be updated with all of our life events, and we anticipate on having notifications in advance on when bad times will come. I almost imagine our ideal spiritual life as a text message conversation like this:

God: Prepare to spill coffee on your shirt today before your meeting, you will be stuck in traffic which will cause you to be late and you will get some unexpected news that will completely change your mood. It’s not looking good today.

Us: Not today God, I have a lot going on can we push it back to next week?

It’s funny when we think about it like that, but I know I am guilty of wanting this type of life. In dealing with dating and so many other things it is so easy to put God on our timing. We scroll and scroll through and think God has forgotten to mark our calendars on when we’re meant to meet Mr. /Mrs. Right. We look everywhere disappointed when the time hasn’t come. Through our discontentment, we take matters into our hands, which I like to also refer to as “Online Dating”. 

Coming from a non-judgmental but experiential point of view, I realized the powerful lesson in Online Dating. During my single season, I was that “single single” (for all those who don’t talk double words that means: really single. It puts more emphasis when you say things twice for real, for real lol), didn’t really go places or do much. During this season God moved me to Springfield, MO (yeah I know, that’s what I said). I was totally alone and bored! I found myself growing very discontent; I declared in my mind that I was created to be alone (yes at the age of 24 lol) but I was not happy or content with my new self-imposed revelation so I decided to do something about my perceived situation and that was Online Dating. As I began to look through various dating sites, something kept stopping me from actually signing up. At this moment I realized that my discontentment was with myself and not truly knowing or trusting my Creator and His plans for my life. I had to understand my intention and purpose and it was to appease my boredom and not to glorify God in anyway.  I essentially told God that he was not in control and that I didn’t trust Him with my major life events and that I knew better for my life. I’m grateful that I serve such an amazing and patient God that despite me he still blessed my single season beyond my wildest dreams. I wish I could say that at that moment, Justin came riding up on a horse with shining honor but that didn’t happen. Instead, Christ came to the focal point of my life. I got to know Him and began to trust Him with every aspect of my life especially dating. He assured me that he didn’t need any site to do what He does.

Justin’s Opinion

Thinking about online dating let me be transparent from the onset.  I have participated in Group Dates (grouper), Been on online dating sites (ChristianMingle, eHarmony...BlackPeopleMeet), been set up through iphone apps and whatever else you can think. I have not done it recently...truthfully since June.

Paul Tillich, the German theologian wrote in his book, ‘The Courage to be” that, “Courage presupposes an understanding of Man and of its world and its structures and values.  He later writes, “Courage can tell us what being is and being can tell us what courage is." Lester Translation -once I understand who I am, I never can be afraid of who I am in light of where is am...and let me add...what others think.

With that out of the way, overall, I have no problem with online dating and web searches as a means to begin relationships. Culture changes with time, the way people meet is not the same.  It is quite possible a means to meet someone is through online means.  I know Courtney, she is most likely going to argue that, "God has your promise in person." Yes...God also has blessed us with the means of connectivity online.  Relationships are cultivated as you get to know a person...the true self. This gets back to TIllich, Courage to be, courage to become, courage to exist in the self eventually reveals your other half.  That other half can be found online, but built together. 

All in all, Be.

Once you "are" it makes it much easier and simpler to recognize the way God has for you to behold the gifting of your Adam or Eve. (and that may come on BlackPeopleMeet...the Wal-mart of Dating Sites.)

Our Opinion

We realize that our personal experience and our gender has a lot to do with how we view online dating, but we believe no matter what the gender God is the ultimate provider.  We have built our relationship using technological means, yet we know the other. By no means is it perfect cementing the point that a computer screen will not replace personal intimacy; however, it facilitates conversation and possibility, the successive watering comes later. Ultimately, technology is powerful tool that can help us communicate and share amazing things.  Whether you are an online dater or not, discover your intention and purpose in all that you do.

Thanks to our Reader for the Suggestion.  Talk back to us! 

Holding Hands, 

Justin and Courtney

Boundaries: They are built to bless us, as difficult as that may be

Justin’s Opinion

I Love the Packers.  We have the BEST quarterback known in the league in Aaron Rodgers.  (Discount Double Check anyone?)  I love the accuracy that Rodgers has as a player.  He has a way of throwing the ball in places where only his receivers can catch it, even if that means throwing it out of bounds.  Throwing it out of bounds in a place where his receiver can catch no matter how difficult that may be.  He knows the limits of his receivers and the game, yet will push them both to their respective limits in order to be victorious. 

Intentional boundaries are so necessary, something that I have learned in my time in ministry and in other public positions.  It is necessary that one sets boundaries.  But, failures and successes came when I decided that I would no longer dictate my life because of the safe confines of boundaries.  Boundaries are there to bless us, but there is a necessity to push yourself to your limit never asking, “what if?”  

In every walk of life, boundaries are there.  Whether it is the relationship you have with your parents, supervisor or loved ones, boundaries are necessary.  Articulating them and accurately figuring out in a healthy way the edges that you and the other party have will facilitate possibility and growth within the field you are playing in. 

In our relationship, we have articulated boundaries, some that we love, and some that make the other uncomfortable.  In the end, those boundaries are build to build our relationship and bless us as a man and woman of God. 

Courtney’s Opinion

Every time I think of boundaries, I always imagine a high security gate with barbwire, high intensity electric wiring, and a sign with bold words that read, “DO NOT TRESPASS” electrocuting all those who enter without the right credentials.  But why is this? One of my favorite books by August Wilson is a play entitled “Fences.” In this play he raises the question, were fences (boundaries) created to keep things out or to keep things in? If you are anything like me, Boundaries sometimes meant that I was missing out, pushing things away. However, as I began to embark on a serious quest to know Christ more I realized this was not the case at all. Those boundaries weren’t just keeping things out, but instead holding in the values I cherish the most. That it was not at all a high security gate that Tasers all who don’t meet my standards but more of a filter that provides safety and encourages me to be. . . me.

I like to think that I am a spontaneous person that loves living life on the edge but found that wasn’t the best way to approach life all the time. As I work with many Young Adults in ministry the question we seem to all ask is “How much can I get away with while still remaining in bounds.” As a people we love to push it to the limit, which is a necessity sometime. However, it is important that our focus doesn’t shift from enjoying where we are currently to the boundary set or next the level outside of the boundary.

Like every lesson learned in my single season, this began to vividly play out in my relationship with Justin. One major boundary that we employ is abstinence.  Many times it is easy to highlight all the restrictions that come with this boundary, but instead we choose to focus on the things we can share together. This not only creates a stronger bond between us but also allows us to be grateful for each stage and development of our relationship. Along with this boundary I learned communication. As we honor this boundary in our relationship, I learned that my communication was key. That I couldn’t just assume he could read my “DO NOT TRESSPASS” sign that was written in invisible ink. Through this one specific boundary, our relationship has matured to another level. Instead of feeling like our relationship was lacking we have kept in the things we enjoy the most about each other.

Our Opinion

It’s not about the boundary or even pushing it to the limit. But it’s all about where you are. So embrace them, cherish them, rest in them. Boundaries.  To say that abstinence was an easy decision for the both of us would be a lie. It is easy to let desires rule your emotions and actions, but we have decided to allow them to allow us to cultivate our relationship, understand the other and in the end truly know the other. 

Whether you push those boundaries to edge or live truly within them know that you only get in trouble when you knowingly cross that innate line.  As difficult as it is, know that boundaries are built to bless us! 

In God's Grace, 

Justin and Courtney

#CJles

Introduction to Our World...

Justin’s opinion:

I wear glasses, and I hate them.  But I’m also thankful for them.  One of the reasons I wear them is because it’s a struggle to see.  Glasses do not correct my eyes, rather it overlays a set of "perfect" eyes for me so I can see clearly.

All my love life, I walked around with blurry vision.  Met a number of people, spoke with a number of people and had a number of very unhealthy relationships.  Meeting Courtney, I looked at her with the same vision I looked at other people. It is amazing when God gives you glasses!

After her and I were friends for about a year I finally let my glasses make me so vulnerable that I admitted feelings for her in a real sense.  Our year together was not an easy one.  I was in a very unhealthy destructive relation-friend-whatever-you-want-to-call-it-ship and she was there.  I went through a number of personal issues and she was there.  I dealt with God placing me in great positions of ministry and she was there.  At my lowest moment, my ugliest moment...she was there.  I tried running away...and well God did not let me because I needed her to be there.  

While we are long distance, seeing each other once a month, she is there and I’m there for her.  I am extremely proud to boast that I am with the most beautiful woman in the world.Eve was created from Adams side.  His rib was inside of her.  All my life, for 24 years I have been searching for that missing rib, and I finally found it.

All together I love her and she has decided to love me!  

Courtney’s opinion:.

Reviewing the creation story many times as a kid was very repetitive and sometimes the most important lesson of the story went unnoticed. Genesis 2:21 is a very subtle verse in its approach yet the message behind is immensely powerful. It states that the Lord caused Adam (man) to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord took out one of Adam’s ribs and closed up the opening. Not only is this the creation story of women and the development of man, but it is also the beginning of the best story of my life.

August 5, 2012 was the day my life changed forever. It was seemingly a normal Sunday. However, this Sunday I was attending a scholarship banquet in my hometown. A banquet I attended for the past 6 years. As I was accustomed to the event, I anticipated the same things to happen, I expected to meet the same people…nothing different or out of the ordinary, or so I thought. I was seated at a table with this tall guy, who was very savvy about current events in the city. We made normal small talk but nothing much yet something about him intrigued me. See, I knew about this guy but I didn’t really know him, I saw him around couple times but I didn’t really see him. Little did I know, this was the exact moment God caused this man to fall into a deep sleep and also began to develop me at the same time.

As our friendship was birthed through this causal conversation (and impeccable seat placement lol), it was also the start of the most transitioning year of our lives. Throughout our one-year friendship, our experiences were radically different but our destiny was the same. Together, we have experienced so many victories yet so many low points that seemed endless. However, God was working within us, preparing us for…us! I like to think that God allowed me to have a front row seat to the rib operation. Yeah, it hurt, was uncomfortable at times and was a long process, but it was amazing to witness.  I realized that the same clay used to remold him to be an incredible man was the same clay used to form me.

Although our process and development is not over we invite you through this blog to join us in our journey.  Our relationship not only signifies the possibility of black love but it represents God faithfulness, commitment and sacrifice. This is not intended to be a “selfie” of our relationship but a portrait of the God we serve.

Ultimately I love him and he has decided to love me!

Our opinion:

God. Christ. Worship. Yoga. Insanity. Basketball. Football. Pinterest. Marquette. Vanderbilt. Fisk. HBCU's. School Life. Work Life. Writing. Ministry. People. Love. Self care.

Those are a few of the many topics that will arise, (and we would love your opinions)  We do not agree on everything, which is what is going to make this blog an interesting never-ending journey.  You will see our passion for ministry, people, sports and so much more. You will see how much we are convicted and concrete in the same theological and sociological beliefs yet offer separate outlooks.We urge you to enjoy the duality of our experiences yet grasp our common goal of love, commitment and sacrifice. In the end, while we have two opinions...we have one destiny...Our relationship and devotion to God and each other.  What makes us so powerful is that we emphasizes each other’s strengths and cover each other’s weaknesses.

You are going to Love us.

Enjoy,

Justin and Courtney